Stop Saying “I’m Sorry” in the Workplace*

Photo: RawPixel

I’ve been in marketing for approximately seven years now. When it comes time for the periodic performance evaluations, I hear one common criticism from my supervisors: “Alley, you say ‘I’m sorry’ too much.”

There are standard reasons for apologizing at work: missing a deadline, miscommunication of deliverables to a co-worker, or accidentally double-booking meetings. And, it’s understandable. From childhood, men and women are taught to say “I’m sorry” to express remorse for their actions. But, the gesture happens so often that, in the workplace, it falls flat. There’s a fine line between politeness and seeming insecure. And, the habit of over-apologizing may hurt your career.

It’s time to be judicious when weighing whether to dole out an apology. Was the situation out of your control? Don’t apologize. Did someone else make a mistake and you’re “kindly” taking ownership? Don’t apologize. Next time, here’s are three tips for consideration (taken from someone who’s a reformed culprit):

• Lack of Confidence — The apology may come from a place of self-doubt where saying “I’m sorry” undermines your original intention. Example: “I’m for editing a full-length video and creating two sound bites. It’s way too much. You’re right.”
• Explain the rationale— Leverage these uncomfortable moments as an opportunity to explain your reasoning — -not to make up excuses. Example: “I created the extra sound bites for easier consumption on a social media campaign. It encourages users to view the full-length video on the website.” By explaining the rationale, your colleagues are more likely to understand that you were acting in good faith — and it’s better than nothing at all.
• Keep your values in check — Do not apologize out of guilt — because you want to appease co-workers. It takes confidence to be a leader and excel in your career. If you stand by the decision made, embrace it as an opportunity to start a conversation with colleagues and move forward. It’s better than being meek and apprehensive.

It will be awkward before it gets better. Re-configuring a hardwired habit is difficult. I’m still stumbling through it knowing that, if I do not change it, it may influence how colleagues perceive my judgment. I’m willing to be pleasant — but not at the expense of my career.

*Not really. Just say it way less often.